I'm Only Human
by Tkdsoftie
Summary: Moving back to a place where your mother committed suicide wasn't easy. The memories would come crashing down and nobody would ever help. Clarissa Morgenstern had just moved back to New York City. With an abusive father, two both equally hot jerks, and a ton of secrets, will she stay strong or will the dam finally break. Read the story if you're interested! Edited by StarryFate!


**So this is my first story and my first chapter and I hope you guys enjoy it! Please leave feedback since I always want to improve my writing. Thanks guys! -Ash**

Moving to your childhood home where your mom committed suicide was nothing short of unsettling nostalgia. Everywhere she looked she could've sworn she saw a faint image of her mother, bittersweet smile on her face. But she needed to get past those sad memories if she was going to live in this house again. The redhead took a deep breath and closed her eyes, letting the negative feelings sink into the deep pit of her stomach. Then she opened her eyes and grinned, ready to enjoy her newfound happiness.

Clarissa ran down the stairs, pure joy on her face as she let out countless giggles. She was only like this when Valentine, her father, was absent from their broken home.

She sucked in a deep breath and yelled from the top of her lungs, "JONATHAN!" She heard a tumble and then a crash which led to muttered profanities.

Jonathan appeared at the top of the stairs, his blond hair like a lion's mane.

Jonathan gave his little sister a sheepish smile and said, "You called?" He walked down the stairs, mindful not to miss a step. He reached his sister and ruffled her head of flames affectionately, "You didn't need to yell, Clary, my hearing is just fine," he said, amusement clear in his green eyes.

Clarissa grinned, "Yeah, yeah. I know, but I needed to get your attention. Dad's not here! We can do whatever we want!" the enthusiastic female exclaimed. She took her older brother's hand and dragged him towards the entertainment center, having very little patience for what he had to say.

He chuckled softly and smiled at his younger sister, allowing her to drag him towards the room. "Okay, so what do you have in mind?" he asked, already knowing that she would want to draw and would want him to play his guitar for her.

Clary sat in a comfortable armchair and pulled out her mother's sketchbook, beginning to draw in it as she suddenly remembered something important and said, "I need to call Simon and tell him I'm back in New York." She grinned at the thought of seeing her best friend again after so long.

Jonathan sat down across from his baby sister and began to tune his guitar. "Sounds good. You'll see him tomorrow too since we have school," he reminded the girl, which caused her to lift her head and look at him.

She nodded, "Yeah, school, right. We have that," she paused before asking, "Do we have to go?" She despised first days.

Jonathan gave her a stern look that left no room for argument. "Yes, we have to go." He saw her open her mouth to protest and interrupted her, "I don't want to hear any complaining, Clary."

The younger one nodded silently and resumed drawing. They sat together, lost in their own interests, the silence comforting for the both of them. The benign strumming of Jonathan's guitar being the only sound penetrating the silence.

/\\\\\

After a long night of relaxing, the siblings had woken up the next morning, groaning with the realization that they had to attend school. Jonathan was the first one downstairs, making Clarissa's usual drink: sugar with some black coffee. He munched on a cereal bar as he yelled up the stairs, "Clary! Get your tiny butt downstairs! I don't want to be late for the first day!"

Clarissa yelled back, "I'm coming, Jon!" She hastily ran her hand through her red hair, attempting to make it look like she hadn't spent three seconds on it. She had called Simon that morning to tell him she was back and he was happy to say the least. She grabbed her bag, shoving her sketchbook into it, before running downstairs. She picked up her coffee and poured it into a thermos. She looked around them and asked her brother quietly, "Did he not come home last night?"

Her brother shook his head negative and they walked outside. The siblings walked towards the elder's car. And that's when Clarissa saw someone she wasn't familiar with. She watched three people - teens around her age - get into the one car and drive off. She glanced back at her brother, "Who are they?" she asked him curiously, "I don't remember them ever being here."

Jon shrugged, "We've been gone a while, Clary. They probably moved here when we were gone." he rationalized. The two get into the car and Jonathan smiled at his sister, "You'll have a great day. I promise," he said reassuringly.

Clary nodded and smiled at her brother as she clutched the thermos of coffee with both hands. "I'll be fine. School will be fine. Everything will be fine," she replied, watching her brother smile with satisfaction at her assurances. Her brother started to drive and she stared out the window, watching the blur of people and buildings pass by.

/\\\\\

After twenty minutes, they reached the school. The siblings entered the building, their heads held high. They walked to the office and got their schedules, immediately comparing them before they had to go to their classes.

Clarissa kissed her brother's cheek, "Bye, Jon, I'm gonna go meet Simon," she said as the two go their separate ways. Clarissa spotted Simon before he saw her and launched herself at him, exclaiming her friend's name with glee.

Simon stumbled forward, "Well, will you look who it is?! Clary Morgenstern! Finally decided to come back to New York, eh?" he asked, grinning. He hugged her tightly and smiled a bit nervously, "I want you to meet my girlfriend," he whispered into her ear, obviously slightly indecisive about the decision.

Clary nods and smiles at him before turning to see a beautiful girl with ink black hair, a kind smile, and curious eyes. She smiled at the unknown girl and introduced herself, "Hi, I'm Clarissa Morgenstern or Clary for short."

The unknown girl smiled at Clary, "I'm Isabelle Lightwood or Izzy for short. I've heard a lot about you," she says, glancing at Simon with a sweet smile.

Simon flushed red and cleared his throat, "Right so, we should get to class," he said, leading Izzy away from Clary.

/\\\\\

Clary stopped outside the closed door and took in a deep breath before opening the door and stepping inside. She was met with eerie silence as the whole class turned to watch her every move.

The teacher looked up from his work and smiled at her, "Ah, you must be Clarissa Morgenstern. I'm Professor Starkweather. Have a seat next to Mr. Verlac if you will. The instructions are on the board," he informed, before returning to grading papers.

Clary did as told and sat in the only chair available, next to the 'Mr. Verlac,' and tried her best to ignore the pair of eyes watching her as she took her stuff out. She began the classwork, absentmindedly doodling on the paper as she did so.

/\\\\\

She moved through classes like a ghost, only speaking to greet Isabelle, Simon, or her brother. Thirty minutes later, when yet another class ended, Clary left and entered the hallways. She glanced at her watch to find that it was already time for lunch and slowly made her way through the crowded halls.

She entered the cafeteria and looked around for a moment, taking a second to adjust to the vast amount of people. She got her food and sat down with Simon and Isabelle, smiling at them as they began to speak to each other. All the voices started to cloud her senses to the point that she couldn't take it anymore. Her bright green eyes searched for her brother and she sighed with relief.

As if he could feel her eyes on him, he turned around and looked at his little sister, asking if she were alright with his eyes. The younger nodded and smiled wearily. He seemed to understand and tilted his head to the side, giving her permission to escape the noise of so many people. She smiled softly and abruptly jumped to her feet, "I'm not very hungry," she said. She watched as Simon began to say something and stopped him with a simple shake of her head.

"No need to come along, Simon, I'll be fine on my own." She glanced at Isabelle and then looked back at Simon, "You two have fun!" She forced out with a fake grin before she quite literally ran out of the cafeteria.

Mr. Verlac watched the redhead leave with interest as he stood up slowly. His eyes scanned the crowd, his normal cocky smirk resting on his face as he searched for the boy that had come in with her. He would probably get to know more about that mysterious little redhead if he became friends with someone who was obviously close to her.

'Found you,' he thought as his charcoal colored eyes rested on a mop of blonde hair. He chuckled and left the cafeteria as quietly as he had came. Like a thief slipping into the night.

/\\\\\

Clarissa's fingers slid into her hair as she gathered her thoughts. She started to walk, not having the faintest idea on where she was heading. It seemed as if she was never able to think straight anymore. She took deep breaths before stopping and sinking to the floor. She held her head in her hands and looked at her knees. She made herself smaller and tucked herself into the corner where no one would be able to see her.

Her eyes became heavy and before she knew it, everything was dark.

[ _flashback_ ]

 _A young Clarissa doodled in her sketchbook, oblivious to the world outside the closed door - that slammed open with a sickening crack. Her father. He was drunk. So drunk that he looked dangerous._

 _The young Clarissa's eyes darted around the room like a cornered animal, searching for Jonathan. Her best friend. Her partner in crime. Her protector. Her older brother._

 _Not seeing him, she gathered her courage and looked up at her father. "Hello, Father," she said in a soft voice._

 _The man stared down at her, disgusted, "What are you doing?"_

 _The small girl picked up her drawing and showed it to him, "It's a drawing, Father. I've been working on it forever. Isn't it pretty?" She asks, a hopeful expression flashing across her face._

 _Valentine stared at the drawing. A drawing of their family. He glared down at Clarissa and ripped the paper into pieces the sizes of the small girl's newly shattered heart. "All you do is draw! What about school, hmm? All that money we spend on trying to get you the best tutors so you don't end up illiterate! You just waste it all, you ungrateful little bitch!" he ranted, growling through his teeth._

 _He struck his hand down on her face, hard. "If I ever find you drawing stupid stuff like this again, I will hurt you so badly that you won't be able to walk for a month," He threatened.._

 _Clarissa brought her hand to her already swollen cheek, "B-But, Father, I thought you would've liked the picture," she whimpered out._

 _He slapped her again. "I don't ever want to see a drawing of that woman again. She's dead. Get that through your thick skull," he yelled, his face slowly turning red._

 _Her eyes filled to the brim with tears, "Mother's amazing, Father. Why don't you like her anymore?" She asked._

 _He growls lowly with anger, "Shut the fuck up," he said through clenched teeth before walking out of the room, leaving his thirteen year old daughter on the ground with tears streaming down her face._

/\\\\\

Clarissa awoke with a fearful gasp, feeling the beginnings of a mental breakdown build up behind her eyes. She quickly swiped at her tears, wiping away all evidence that she had been crying. She never wanted to worry anyone.

When she deemed herself calm enough to resume her trek through the hallways, she stood up and stretched her cramped limbs.

She walked with a confident gait only to stop moments later, seeing a tall boy with golden hair holding a younger boy by his collar.

He was beating up the younger kid but nobody walking by seemed to try to stop him.

Something clicked inside her - for she saw herself in that bullied boy - and she stomped towards the blond teen, her face turning crimson with anger.

"Hey! Let go of him!" She yelled, pushing the golden haired boy away from the younger. The little boy sped off, leaving her to face the bully.

"What's wrong with you? Do you enjoy watching others suffer?" she demanded, too angry to actually wait for the answers. "How dare you hurt someone half your size? Have you no shame?" She was utterly disgusted with him.

The boy looked at her for a moment, his beautiful face twisting into a cocky smirk. "You must be new," he deduced, his charismatic voice causing Clarissa's anger rise to new heights. "Nobody stops me from my punishments, Princess. I'm the _king_ of this school, Jace Herondale," he declared arrogantly, and Clarissa wished the crown he claimed to have was physical and real so she could throw it at his disgusting face.

The redhead took a slow, deep breath, trying not to lose her cool in front of this teenage brat. Which was hard to do. What was even harder was pushing herself back from punching him where the sun didn't shine.

"Does it look like I care who you are?" she asked calmly, her steely voice making everyone around her feel their hair go on end. "Nothing justifies what you were doing to him."

He leaned forward, slamming his hand on the locker behind her. Now boxed in, he spoke with an irritatingly sexy smirk, "Mind your tone, Princess, wouldn't want anything to happen to that pretty little face of yours," he threatened.

Swallowing her fear, she stared up into his golden eyes and retorted, "Call me 'princess' one more time. I fucking _**dare**_ you."

Smirking, he moved closer until their faces were inches apart.

" _ **Bite me, Princess."**_

 **Don't be a silent reader! Tell me what you think of the first chapter!**

 **You can also find me on Instagram tkdsoftie or on Wattpad nerdyevilbunneh**

 **Until next time! -Ash**


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